You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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