my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
