"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
