I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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