they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
