Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
