Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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