i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You ruined the universe
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
