You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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