Christians are straight up FREAKS
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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