Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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