i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
