This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
