I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is Oprah even human
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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