Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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