I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
