In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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