Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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