did you get engaged???
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
