I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
