As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
