Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
