Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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