She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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