At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't deserve a penis
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
