Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Randomize
