So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
