I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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