I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god it's open bar.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
