i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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