i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
