Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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