She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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