I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
