what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
