I want to have your abortion
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
