So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I died a long time ago.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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