I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
