I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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