I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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