based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
