I just cut my nipple shaving
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
