I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
