why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
