I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
