I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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