I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
