dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
