I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
