Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
