Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
