You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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