I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
